Get Your Ex Back

Most of us think that when trust is broken in a relationship, it is almost impossible to rebuild. However, if you wronged your partner and broke their trust (say, by cheating on them), it can be rebuilt if you follow a few important steps.

Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame. “Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you.” When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this. You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.

This is a remarkable way to start restoring trust! Instead of the usual defending and excuses when there is a problem in the relationship, we own up to what we did. This is a powerful way to begin rebuilding trust, if you are sincere.

The second step builds on this. You then say something like “I know I hurt you, and here is the hurt I think I caused you.”

See, your mate is hurting because you wronged them. They may feel very sad, or they may be furious, or both. You caused it, so you accept responsibility for that as well. “Hey, I know I made you feel like I don’t appreciate or respect you, and I know that I broke your heart in pieces…”

Remarkable! Your partner has probably never heard anything like this from you before. You aren’t trying to explain yourself, you are owning that you not only did the deed but caused emotional damage to them by doing it. Wow!

For this step, you want to talk about the pain using the best words that you can. Here, you want you mate to feel like you understand the emotional pain they are going through. So take a minute and try to describe feelings, like “I shamed you” or “I kicked you in the heart…”

For various reasons we don’t have room to go into in detail, step two is vital to the technique. Most apologies miss this point and they don’t work. Own up to what you did, and make sure your ex feels emotionally that you at least understand some of the damage you caused. When you do this, the Emotional Logic you’re using is undeniable and potent. There is more to rebuilding trust, but these two steps can take you a long way.